


I'd Give an Arm and a Leg

by OurMoonLightRevels



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: AU, F/M, M/M, Multi, Threesomes, canon-injuries, non-discussed PTSD, really sad Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 16:38:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4632426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurMoonLightRevels/pseuds/OurMoonLightRevels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky loses something, finds it, loses something else, arranges a meet cute and ends up with everything he ever really wanted. Until then, he's a god-damned problem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd Give an Arm and a Leg

**Author's Note:**

> For #12.
> 
> To my recipient: I hope you like the cailure I have written for you. I tried my best to go with what you said you liked, but I'm not 100% I got it right. Ahead there is plenty of angst, some bed sharing, a little bit of pining, some lolz and a whole hell of a lot of dudes not dealing with their feelings. 
> 
> This fic would not be possible if not for the wonderful lady who basically saved my soul (and this fic) by hand holding me through my self doubt and then writing some of the sex scenes for me. I wrote the last one, so as to not cail completely, but without her I'm pretty sure one of the scenes would still contain the sentence 'Add more porn'. 
> 
> For my second fic ever, I think it could have been worse. 
> 
> I'm not entirely sure this makes sense, so feel free to point out any weirdness or to give constructive criticism. I'd love to improve from this, so all feedback is welcome.

In that moment Steve knew Bucky was going to fall. The wind was whipping harshly against them, pushing their bodies against the train. Steve couldn’t reach him, couldn’t save his best friend and Bucky was going to die because he’d put his trust and faith in Steve once more. 

That moment seemed to contain an eternity of despair yawning in front of him, a life without Bucky by his side didn’t seem like a life worth living to Steve. 

Bucky’s hand was losing its grip on the metal railing and Steve could see the moment he was going to fall. Steve’s gut lurched with fear. Without conscious thought for his own safety, Steve let go of the side of the train he was clinging to. Praying that he could save Bucky, he fell the short distance between them. One hand grasped the dangling rail that had slipped from Bucky’s hold, and the other clasping Bucky’s wrist in a bone crunching grip. 

Bucky shouted out in surprise and pain, seconds before the look on his face became intensely familiar. It was a look he'd seen a thousand times, a look that meant Oh, Jesus, Steve, you really will be the death of me. The fear that Steve’s reckless actions were going to end up with them both dead at the bottom of a mountain was clear and present in his eyes. 

With all the strength he could muster Bucky locked his hand around Steve’s forearm. Ignoring the pain he attempted to pull himself up and grab hold of the railing. Steve had other ideas, and put all his strength to swing Bucky out from the train and up through the ripped opening in the train carriage. 

Bucky swore a blue streak when he landed hard on his already smarting arm, a stomach-turning crack sounded through the carriage. Pain lanced through his wrist before blind panic overtook him. He pushed himself forward to help Steve, quickly moving the weight from his aching arm. He reached the edge of the carriage as the tunnel whooshed passed the opening, causing Bucky to stumble back in surprise, pain, and horror. He could feel the blood draining from his face, scrambling back to the hole, he had to see.

“Steve…Steve.” Bucky cried out before trailing off. He moved as close as he could to the edge, the tunnel wall inches from his head and he looked at the railing now sparking against the wall. Steve couldn’t be dead. Steve couldn’t be DEAD. But no one, not even Steve, could have survived being crushed against the tunnel wall. Bucky propped himself against the cold metal of the train carriage, the noise of the coms slowly making itself known. They’d managed to capture Zola. 

But at what price? 

Bucky closed his eyes and started cursing. Steve and his fucking martyrdom. Now what the hell were they going to do? How was Bucky supposed to fix this mess? What the hell was he thinking? 

Bucky could feel the world pressing in on him. He’d never had an asthma attack before, but he knew what they looked like and he was pretty sure this is what they felt like. He couldn’t catch his breath. How could Steve be gone? 

Before Bucky could work himself any deeper, a bang at the far end of the carriage rang out. Without evening lifting his head, Bucky had a gun in his hand aimed at the newest threat, only to let out a sob of relief when he finally focused on the sight of Steve, standing there in all his glory with a sheepish smile on his face. 

"You know, shooting a superior officer is a court martial offense.” Steve shot Bucky a sly grin and he started to walk towards him. 

"Oh, you fucking-" Bucky staggered the last step between them, and Steve embraced him tightly. Tight enough that the pain resonating through Bucky spiked to an almost intolerable level. He can feel Steve gently trying to lower him to the ground, promising that everything is going to be fine before Bucky is dragged down into oblivion. 

\--

By the time Bucky woke up the train had been brought to a stop. The Commandos had caught up and Falsworth was applying some basic first aid to the worst of Bucky’s injuries, while they took stock of their prize and waited for the contingency forces of the SSR to catch up. Bucky’s first thought was that he couldn’t wait to see the look on General Phillips face when they presented Zola and a train full of HYDRA weaponry to him. His second thought was that he was going to kill Steven G. Rogers. 

“Hold there Sergeant.” Falsworth said, slowly pushing Bucky back down to the mat as Bucky tried to sit up. “You aren’t going anywhere, at least until not until we’ve got your wrist set and your shoulder back in place.” 

Bucky grimaced at the reminder and the combination of discomfort and anger must have shown on his face, as Falsworth continued, “I’d go easy on him; he was in a bit of a state when we finally caught up. Thought you were going to expire on him – actually on him, as he had you cradled to his chest like a babe in arms.”

“Did the idiot tell you what he did?” Bucky grumbled. 

“From all accounts, Cap dropped to your rescue, threw you to safety and saved himself before helping secure the train. Which bit has got your nose out of joint?”

“The bit where he was one weak chunk of metal away from the pair of us becoming bloody smears across the side of a fucking mountain.” Bucky said. Bucky could clearly remember the agony that ripped through him the second he thought Steve had been crushed. He wanted to kill Steve himself, after pulling such a stupid stunt. 

“Sarge, do you really think he could live with himself if he let you die without trying to save you?” 

“What’s the point in saving me, if he kills himself to do it?” 

“I rather imagine that was the point. Barnes, speaking freely, as much as Captain America would continue on after losing a solider, what do you think losing you would do to Steve Rogers? I’ve seen plenty in this god-forsaken war, including men who simply lose the drive to save themselves once their brother has gone.” Falsworth shook his head.

“You’re both safe, in my eyes I’d call it a good day and move on.” Delivering that final statement, he headed out of the carriage shouting about find some assistance in setting Barnes’ arm, bemoaning the fact that the only person worse about being injured was the Captain. 

Bucky wish he could deny that, but the truth was that since Zola, being injured held a fear that it never had before. He wondered if anyone would notice how quickly he was healing this time around. 

\--

Sometime later Steve entered the train carriage hesitantly, which Bucky could see through in an instance. Steve “hot-head” Rogers didn’t have an inch of hesitance in him. Bucky rolled his eyes and left him to stew while he collected himself from the rush of seeing Steve safe and whole. 

“You are, without doubt, the biggest numbskull in history. What the hell do you think they’d write about the great Captain America if he fell off of a train in a stupid stunt like the one you pulled today? Huh, big shot?” Bucky said, lacking the usual fire that would accompany such a speech. That put Steve on alert, Bucky caterwauling about how reckless Steve could be was normal. The defeated slouch to Bucky’s shoulders and the hooded look in his eye, made Steve tread with caution. 

“I thought you were done for, Buck. I couldn’t just let you fall. I saw a chance and I took it and I won’t apologise for saving your life.” Steve attempted to make eye contact, but Bucky was having none of it. “Please don’t make me regret it.” Steve joked. It fell flatter than their first and only attempt at making a cake back in the crummy apartment they used to share in Brooklyn. Steve chanced a half smile in Bucky’s direction. “You’d have done the same for me.” There was no doubt in Steve’s voice that he spoke the truth and the scowl that shot across Bucky’s face gave him the satisfaction of knowing he’d hit the mark. 

“The difference is, pal, that one of us is the greatest hope of the American nation, and the other does the dirty work – there ain’t no one you can convince that if the choice comes down to it, me or you, it better be me every single time. I couldn’t take it Steve, I couldn’t take it if the last time I ever saw you was in the middle of risking your neck to save mine. You’ve got Agent Carter waiting on you, and you’d better start living like it.” Before Steve could reply, Falsworth swung himself back up into the carriage. 

“Ahh, there you are Captain. Barnes here requires your big strong arms around him once more.” Falsworth said with a wink, and moved forward. “He’ll live, despite his best attempts, but we need to get that shoulder back in place before he ends up with lasting damage.”

Steve shot Bucky a look that promised the argument wasn’t over, and shifted to brace Bucky tightly against himself and Falsworth took hold of his already mostly healed wrist and arm, and wrested the shoulder into place. 

Bucky, running on empty at this point, let out a yelp of pain before succumbing to unconsciousness once more. 

\--

This time upon waking Bucky found himself propped up in one of the train compartments, the train speeding along underneath him and Gabe sat on guard duty. 

“Nice to see you back with us.” He smiled when Bucky focused on him and continued. “We’re headed back to allied territory to hand over Zola and the train, hopefully with a little rest before we head out again. Cap is kicking up a fuss about moving out without you, so I think you’ve earned us all a well-deserved break. Pardon the pun.” He added with a smirk. 

Bucky groan out loud at both the terrible pun and the reminder of the pain shooting through him. Falsworth must have given him some pain medication, because he could feel it fading. 

“How you holding up, Sarge?” Gabe said, handing him his water ration. 

Bucky took a second to take stock, and while he could definitely say he’d felt better, for a guy who had a broken wrist, re-located shoulder and had survived being tossed like a sack of potatoes into the unforgiving metal of a train compartment, “Could be worse.” Bucky concluded. Time to get up and get to work. 

While Bucky was mustering the strength to stand, with some assistance from Gabe, Steve entered the compartment again and relieved Gabe of babysitting duty. 

“You know Buck, I never thought I’d need to explain that without you, I’d have probably died a bloody smear across some thugs’ knuckles. That’s if some illness didn’t take me first. And without you and mom, I wouldn’t have survived many of them. You think I’d have been anyone without you around? You, Peg, and Erksine are the only people who have ever seen me for me, and the only ones who ever thought that was good enough to give a chance to and now if I can actually do something worthwhile – including saving your dang neck - then I’m going to do it. I got no choice other than to give my all now that I’ve got an all to give. You’d be dead Bucky, if I hadn’t taken that chance, you’d be dead and where the hell would that leave me?” 

In the silence that followed, Bucky wasn’t sure who was more surprised at Steve’s words. Not the content, that Bucky could have predicted without aid, but the fact that Steve had actually said them out loud. He moved towards Steve, and gripped his shoulder in a well-worn gesture between the two of them, shaking off the weirdness that lingered at having to reach up to it, rather than down. 

“Ain’t we a pair? You gotta promise me,” Bucky said, “Promise that next time you try something like that, we both go down together. If you can’t save yourself, don’t make me live without you.” 

It was the closest Bucky could get to saying something that would push them over a line that he’d promised he would never cross. Steve actually had a chance now, a real hope for a life with meaning and spent with a dame like Peggy Carter. No matter what, Bucky was going to make sure Steve lived it for all it was worth, and if that meant threatening Steve with Bucky’s own safety, he wasn’t above it. 

Steve audibly swallowed and as Bucky met his eyes, he could see Steve steadying himself to act and knew something rash and painful was about to happen. And he was right. With a shuddering breath Steve pulled Bucky closer, foreheads rested against each other as he spoke in a voice not more than a whisper. “Don’t make me live without you either Buck. I couldn’t stand it.” Steve took another unsteady breath before cupping Bucky’s jaw and slowly leaning in for a brief touch of a kiss. ¬¬

With a strangled sound Bucky stretched his good hand up into Steve’s hair, taking hold as he deepened the kiss. Steve tasted like a combination of all the good things Bucky held on to from their childhood. But the lingering essence of Truth, Justice and the American Way that Steve personified now, in body if not in soul, pushed its way through the joyous fog of finally getting to kiss him. 

Bucky pushed Steve back with his good hand and put a few steps of needed distance between them, preparing himself for the hang-dog expression that Steve was sure to be wearing. Bucky wasn’t prepared for Steve to follow after him, gently pushing him against the carriage wall, cushioning Bucky’s broken wrist between the two of them, and once again resting his head against Bucky’s. 

“Please don’t push me away, not after that. You kissed me back, Buck. That’s gotta mean something.” Steve carded his hand through the non-regulation length of Bucky’s hair. His hand coming to rest at the base of his skull, cupping his weary head and gently rubbing at the tension between neck and shoulder. 

“Steve. No. We can’t do this. You’ve got a life ahead of you now, Carter, the military, and your health. I can’t make this decision for you, but I can make it for me. We ain’t doing this. I wish…I wish a lotta things, but we can’t do this.” Bucky moved to push Steve away again, but Steve tightened the grip in Bucky’s hair and tilted his head up to meet Steve’s gaze. 

“We can. Peg’s a great gal, but she’s not you. And sure, I love her a whole heap, and it’d be easy to be have a life with her, but I’m always going to love you too, and when have I ever done anything the easy way?” Steve’s earnest gaze pinned Bucky to the wall harder than the hands holding him. 

“Please, Buck. Please let us try to find some happiness together.”

Bucky pushed Steve away again, making it stick this time, and paced his way around the small area in the carriage. His good hand grasped at his hair, replacing Steve’s gentle touch with a tight pull of pain. He wanted nothing more than to give in to Steve. But he couldn’t. It would have been one thing to condemn sickly skinny Steve Rogers to some momentary bliss that they could find together, but Captain Steven Grant Rogers had an actual chance at happiness outside of some clandestine tryst that they would have to hide. Steve deserved more than secrets and guilt. So once again Bucky was going to have to be the one to look out for Steve, especially since Steve wouldn’t see for himself. 

“No.” Bucky pushed all the resolve he had behind that one word and stalked towards the entrance of the compartment, hissing in pain when Steve grabbed at his bad arm in an attempt to stop him. “No Steve. I’d give my left arm to be able to be with you, but neither of us deserve a lifetime of the kind of life we could have together. Go, be happy with Peggy and I’ll be with you every step of the way, but I can’t do this.” He pulled his arm free of Steve’s slackened grip without meeting his eyes, and headed off to find the rest of the Howlies. 

\-- 

After finally returning to Allied space, the planning began. With Zola in the tender care of Phillips, the rest of the SSR contingent is left to categorise the contents of the train. 

The team gets the short reprieve it needs. Bucky takes time to finish healing up, reassuring Falsworth that his wrist mustn’t have been as damaged as he thought (even though Bucky can remember the sharp snap and sudden pain, the break had mostly sorted itself out by the end of the first few days). The rest of the Howling Commandos take the time to do their best to keep the local bar in business. Steve splits his time between strategic meetings with Peggy and the other higher-ups and pacing around the digs he and Bucky are currently sharing, being as annoying as humanly possible. 

A couple of times he tries to convince Bucky to go off base so they can talk, but Bucky is staying strong. It would take no effort at all to be selfish and grab hold of Steve with both hands and run, but he knows better than that. Captain America being discharged with a blue ticket is the last thing the world needs right now. He keeps the hope that maybe, after this mess is cleared up, that they could talk about things properly, but with little time and limited privacy they never get the chance. 

Things settle into routine, until the day Phillips turns up, the plans of HYDRAs main assault under his arm and a grim look across his face. 

\--

“So, what’s the plan?” Morita asks. 

Steve had gathered them together to go over the plan agreed by the SSR. 

“The base holding the Valkyrie is in the alps. We need to infiltrate it and stop the launch by any means possible.”

“We go in, hard. Take them by surprise, and take them down. We’ll be backed up by all the SSR has to offer at hand, so play nice.” Steve said in his best Captain’s voice, stern and self-assured. Hearing Steve talk like that and watching people snap to attention still gave Bucky a thrill. 

“Anything more specific than that, sir?” Falsworth chimes in. 

“I’ll be leading the main assault by charging in the main entrance and causing as much of a ruckus as possible.” The group shares a grin at this. “Jones, Dum Dum, and Falsworth you’ll be coming in through the large window area at the back of the fortress. Intel indicates that office is the main base of operations; we need to you take it and hold it down. The SSR suspects that whatever planned will be starting from there.” Jones, Dum Dum and Falsworth all nod in agreement. 

“Falsworth, you need to focus on getting into their communications and relaying whatever useful information you can find, Dum Dum, Jones – back him up. Dernier and Morita, I need you to get around the base, set up some charges and cause as much chaos and hell as you can manage. The other SSR forces are going to need every advantage we can give them.” 

“What about me?” Bucky asks. 

“Buck, your shoulder’s not fully healed.” Bucky looks at Steve incredulously. 

“My shoulder is good enough, now where am I going to be.” Steve admits defeat; by his look he knew it was a long shot anyway. 

“At my six; I want you picking off the bastards. When I’m out of range, join up with the other SSR forces and give whatever support you can. Once we’ve secured entrance to the base, make your way to the command office and we’ll move out as a team from there.” 

\--

Bucky arrives at the control room in time to hear Steve declare that he needs to put the Valkyrie in the water. He stops in the hallway where Phillips and Morita stand, blocking the way and looks across the room to the console where Peggy sits, attempting to reason with Steve. He can hear the tremble in her voice and knows where this is going. 

“Steve, just hold on. We can figure this out.” 

“There’s no time. The bombs are on auto-pilot and if I let this thing get close to the targets they’ll deploy. I can’t let that happen.” The radio crackles as Peggy notices Bucky stood at the door-way. 

“There’s got to be a way.” Bucky has never seen her with a hair out of place, so to see the cracks fracturing over her at this moment breaks his own composure. 

He strides across the room before he really thinks about it. “Rogers, you’d better buck your ideas up, don’t you dare take a nose dive and I’ll be right on your tail to drag you back out and beat you bloody.”

“Buck,” Steve’s voice cracks over the speaker. “You gotta promise to look after Peggy for me, and Peg, you gotta make sure this idiot doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“Come back home, Steve,” Bucky can see Carter trying to put on a brave face, “and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid with me.” 

For a moment a lifetime flashes before his eyes, one filled with fond but exasperated despair as Bucky chases after Steve AND Peggy, trying to keep the pair of them out of trouble. It crumbles just as quickly with the knowledge that if they manage to get Steve out of this, neither he nor Carter really need him around to keep them out of trouble, because they’d have each other. 

“Peggy,” Steve starts. 

The tone of his voice sends an aching shiver down Bucky’s spine, and he realises that he doesn’t want to be here for this. This is something private that he doesn’t get to share. He sets off at a clip, running for the door and shouting for Stark. Maybe they can figure something out, quick-sharp, to knock out the auto pilot or figure some other way to bring the plane down. Anything is better than listening to Steve try and say his goodbyes. A shout down the hall announces that Stark is on his way, so Bucky heads back into the room. 

“Steve, just hold on. Stark is on his way, between us we can figure this out.” 

“Not this time. Buck, I’m sorry. Peggy, this is my choice.” 

“Peggy, I’m gonna need a rain check on that dance.” 

“Alright, a week next Saturday, at the Stork Club.”

“You got it.”

“8 O’clock on the dot. Don’t you dare be late.” Peggy turns to glance at Bucky on his return, eyes already spelling out the worst. “You should bring Barnes, that way I might at least get a good dance out of the night.” Steve huffs a depreciating laugh, barely picked up by the mic and Peggy’s face crumples. Bucky can’t look at her, knowing that in this moment his own expression would be the perfect mirror of pain currently etched across hers. 

“I’ll make sure he’s there, maybe between the two of you, you’ll make a dancer out of me yet. We’ll have the band play something slow. I’d hate to…” Before Steve can finish his sentence the mic cuts off leaving nothing but the sounds of their harsh indrawn breaths. 

Bucky is out of the room and sprinting towards the nearest exit as soon as the realisation sinks in. That was Steve. And now, if he’s lucky, he’ll be scattered across the ocean and not drowning in icy waters. 

Bucky runs full tilt until he’s reached the edge of the surrounding woodland. Resting his head against a giant oak, he heaves in great sobs of air before retching his guts up. It doesn’t take long for Carter to find him, which shouldn’t surprise him, but it does. He can hear her audibly swallow before she tries to talk. Her normally steady voice cracks under the weight of emotion. 

“I rather think Steve had it the wrong way around, about who should be taking care of whom. James,” She pauses, and Bucky realises that this is the first time she’s ever called him by name. “Will you come back with me? We still need to secure the base, and once we’ve got that under control we need a plan.”

“A plan?”

“I don’t, for one second, believe that you would be willing to leave Steve out there, and neither am I. We have his last co-ordinates; we are going to find him and bring him home.” 

Bucky finally manages to meet her eyes, red and still on the cusp of watering, raw with emotion and shot through with determination. Bucky nods, takes the hand she holds out to pull him to his feet and together they head back to the base, their new common goal uniting them more than anything else ever could. 

\-- 

In the short time it takes to secure the remaining HYDRA agents as prisoners of war and regroup with the Commandos, Carter, and Stark, it feels like an eternity passes until they make any headway into planning their mission. 

Luckily Bucky is nothing if not effective in an emergency, and has already scouted out a potential vessel that seems capable of getting them to the co-ordinates that are currently seared into his head. “We need to set off as soon as possible; this rescue mission is dependent on speed.” At the words ‘rescue mission’ the looks on the faces surrounding him tell Bucky all he has to know. “I don’t care if you think it’s impossible, two years ago Steve couldn’t run more than a block – you think I don’t know what the odds are that he’s… who the hell knows what the serum did to him? He could be swimming as we speak. I’m not just going to sit here an-” 

“Barnes, no one is suggesting you do.” Stark interrupts before Bucky can start ranting in full force. “The boat is being loaded as we speak, we’ve got volunteer medical staff on board and I’ll be manning the radar. If Steve is out there, we will find him.” 

The surety in Stark’s voice slightly mollifies Bucky, and he takes a deep breath in an attempt to centre himself. Grim determination settles across the group, they will find Steve, and they will bring him home. 

“We’ve only got a week of supplies, so it’s not going to be a long search, but my people are setting up to extend - if we need to. But I’m here, so we’re not going to need to.” At Stark’s arrogance Dum Dum and Gabe tense up, but Bucky can see it for what it is. Stark is just as invested in bringing Steve home as they are. They hastily plan out what they need to gather and set about it in quick time. Within the hour Bucky is at the front of the high speed, HYDRA-enhanced boat, ready to stand and look out for as long as it takes to find some sign of Steve, the plane wreckage, or anything else that will help. 

\--

Nothing helps. After four days of fruitless searching the looks being shot in Bucky and Peggy’s direction are not subtle in the slightest. Carter is still holding herself in control, while Bucky is fraying at the edges. This is not how their lives were supposed to pan out and with each passing day Bucky knows the chances of finding anyone, even someone with Steve’s capabilities, is slim to none. The rescue mission slowly turns into a hunt for debris or a body, but with the limited technology they have on board even, that seems like it’s too much to ask for. 

Bucky knows, rationally, that he’s got to admit to himself that not even Steve can come back from this. But every time he gets close to even thinking it, his brain shies away from the thought. His thoughts keep alternating between the train, the kiss, the fight, all the things between them and possibilities that could have been, as much as it lingers on the sadness bleeding through Carter’s stalwart façade. As much as he tries to fight it, he finds himself resenting her, resenting what she and Steve could have easily had. He hates himself for thinking it. He hates even more that Carter can see straight through him and benignly forgives him for it. He suspects that she’s harbouring a few of her own resentful thoughts in his direction. 

Between them they held most of the memory what Steve Rogers was and what he could have been, like two ends of a bookcase collapsing inwards because the book has been ripped away. Bucky had Steve’s past and Peggy held his future and without him they both seemed to be nothing but a shell waiting for some emotion to fill them, but all they were left with was each other and the vast chasm of loss that stretched between the two. 

They kept going, because there was nothing else to do, but every breath ached with defeat. 

\--

Standing in the bright sunlight while they lower Steve’s empty casket into the ground it feels like it should hurt, but Bucky hasn’t really felt anything since their unsuccessful attempt to find the wreckage. Around him the Howling Commandos stand stoic-faced as the bugle plays. They’d been the honoured pallbearers of the hollow coffin. Walking down the street with the memory of Steve a literal weight on his shoulders, while on lookers who knew nothing of him stood in the street to grieve, had set Bucky’s stomach rolling. Steve wasn’t here, and he never would be. 

When Bucky brought him back he was going to be laid to rest with his family, and Bucky didn’t care who he had to fight to make it happen. 

Bucky knows that there are other things that he should be focusing on. Seeing his family after returning from the front was something out of a dream, something he never once thought would happen while deployed. Even the jubilation of seeing his sisters, now fully grown, and holding his first niece in his arms, was tainted by the emptiness that he thought might be all that was left of him. He felt like he’d been hollowed out by Zola, strapped to that table, until Steve came to his rescue, filling him back up with emotion. But standing surrounded by thousands of people ‘mourning’ Captain America left him feeling vacant once more. 

The red, white and blue of the flag draped across Steve’s fake coffin is stark in contrast to the bright blue heat of the day. Phillip’s had given a moving eulogy, full of patriotic vim and vigour, singing Steve’s praises in all that he had given, all the men he had saved, and how we are all standing free today because of his heroic sacrifice. 

Peggy follows after Phillips; her words are sure and clear even though her hands tremble on the edges of the podium. Bucky thinks she looks as composed as can be under the circumstances. Bucky pays more attention to her bright red lips than her soothing words. A bright splash of life in the sea of darkness around them. 

Bucky is sure she does Steve proud, but he’s having trouble focusing. He didn’t want to be here. He had been asked to speak himself, but he couldn’t put words to the feelings he was running from. He knows that if he allowed himself to acknowledge the grief simmering inside, denied but still there, then there would be no going back. And he still couldn’t truly accept that Steve was gone. Not until he saw it for himself. Bucky would tell Steve what he had to say when he found him, and wouldn’t utter a word about it until that day came. 

After the public service, a much more secluded gathering occurred back in Stark’s New York manor. Drink was free flowing and the people who had actually known Steve were toasting to his honour and his memory and celebrating the life he actually lead, rather than the story on show to the public. 

\--

Falsworth had extended an invitation for him to join up with the few Howling Commandos who had decided to stay on fighting the good fight, clearing up the lingering traces of HYDRA and the Nazis. Carter had offered to find him a place within the SSR, assured that the name of Sergeant Barnes was enough to get him in. His mother had offered to take him back in, where he could heal with his family. But the only offer Bucky cared about was the one Stark extended to him. Howard was continuing the search, Bucky knew he was after the energy source, but he seemed equally determined to bring Steve home. So that was his decision made; he’d be shipping out with the fully equipped boat that Stark had kitted out specifically for the task.

For the next year, Bucky and the crew of the Freedom Hunter search tirelessly, but come home empty handed time and time again. 

\--

It's Captain America day all across the U.S., people celebrating the good captains life (not that they knew the half of it) and death on the anniversary of his triumphant defeat of HYDRA in a preamble to VE Day. It’s the day the storm that has been brewing between Bucky and Peggy finally breaks, late in to the night of one of the muggiest heatwaves New York has seen in recent memory. 

Bucky is slouched in an uncomfortable chair in one of the lesser used interrogation rooms in the SSR offices. His dress uniform is still pressed in clean lines, but he knows that's down to more luck than any attempt to keep himself presentable during the official events of the day.

He’s already half a bottle of gin down, but he isn’t feeling the effects just yet. He watches as Peggy finds the room, sits herself down next to him and pours herself a shot. Drinking it down in one gulp she grimaces at the lingering taste of cheap booze that is currently scorching Bucky’s throat. 

She looks striking in her best dress, hair pinned to precision and the lines on her stockings perfectly symmetrical. Not an inch of her is left to luck, but rather to the strict standards she never falters from. Not for the first time, Bucky can see exactly why Steve fell so hard and fast for her.

“You’ve got to stop this.” He knows she’s only trying to be kind, but the attempt rankles at him something fierce.

“Oh, I have, have I? And just why is that your majesty?”

Peggy stands up and towers over him. “Do you think this is what Steve wanted? You, drunk more often than not, wallowing in self-pity?” He bristles further at her tone, shoving away from the desk and coming to stand face to face with her.

“I figure I'm entitled to a drink on this day, of all days."

Peggy purses her ever-red lips at him.

"I’m sorry I ain’t finding Steve so easy to get over as you." His tone drips with derision and he knows instantly that it was the wrong thing to say. Not only because he knows it isn’t true, but because Peggy pales before straightening and rearing back.

Bucky catches on to what's about to happen with a moment to deflect the hand coming towards him, but he stands his ground and takes the hit. He deserves the backhand that stings across his jaw. Peggy delivers it with the fury of one cut to the very core, and follows it up by taking a hold of Bucky’s bedraggled hair, before moving to knee him straight in the junk.

Self-preservation kicks in at that and Bucky moves to dodge out of her way, backing up into the wall and taking Peggy with him, her grip not faltering in the least.

She gasps in pain as he smashes his head and her hand against the wall, before readjusting her stance and almost pinning him, in a twisting manoeuvre that nearly sends them both to the floor. He realises quickly that his anger has already dissipated, but Cater is still burning with a host of pent up aggression and hurt. Bucky moves to try and detach himself, but she grabs hold of the lapels on his uniform and slams him harshly back against the wall.

"Do you really think you are the only one who misses him? The only one hurting? Howard nearly killed himself and half of New York because he thought he could save Steve." Confusion crosses Bucky’s face, but before he can ask Peggy continues. "How do you think I feel? The moment I show any kind of weakness or express the slightest hint of sadness about losing Steve, I'm once again nothing more than a footnote in Captain America’s life. I miss Steve every day. I miss everything that he was and everything that he became. And I envy you so much, you got a life with him and I barely got a moment. But as much as I would love to have the luxury of breaking down and running off to look for a body, blissfully in denial of the world around me, there are more important things that I have to do. Don't you, for one second, think that he means any less to me than he does to you." Tears stream down Peggy's face as she finishes speaking, and before Bucky can speak she pushes herself at him, taking his mouth in an angry kiss and grabbing at his hair.

He doesn't bother to ask if this is what she wants, he knows Peggy better than that, but he hesitates for a moment, before Peggy pulls at his hair, hard, while pushing her stockinged thigh between his legs.

A well of emotions hit Bucky; anger, sadness, jealousy and kinship with Peggy spur him into jittery motion. He swipes at her top, dislodging the first few buttons and she reaches down to undo his trousers and push them to the ground. Bucky picks her up and switches their places, so that Peggy is hiked up against the wall, one long stockinged thigh is gripped in Bucky’s hand where Peggy has wrapped it his hip, rubbing herself against him while he has her pinned.

She lets out a savage moan as they writhe against each other, their coupling is quick, harsh and fierce. Bucky slides his hand down between Peggy’s legs, fumbling for a waistband on her knickers. The whole damn thing is one piece from shoulders to knees and there doesn't seem to be anywhere he can get a grip. Peggy shoves her hands inside her own sleeves to push straps down her shoulders, and he slides his hands up her blouse to help her pull it down. Her breasts pop free as they work it down to her ribs, and he bends his head to suck hard at her nipples while he fights with the hooks holding the damn thing together at the small of her back.

"James," she gasps out, both of her hands abandoning the corselet to lodge themselves in his hair. He takes it as a giant X on the spot where she wants him to be, and twirls his tongue around her nipple, punctuating it with a scrape of his teeth.

The hooks finally come apart and he shoves both hands up her skirt, yanking the corselet down her knees, and Peggy becomes a Goddamn machine of sexual efficiency: she unlocks his belt, opens his fly, and pulls his cock from his briefs all with the precision timing of a sharp shooter assembling a rifle. 

She only gets one stroke in, her palm hot and slick with sweat and so tight he nearly spills in her hand, before he yanks the whole mess down to the floor and shoves his cock inside her right up against the wall.

It's good, it's so good, and he wants to fucking cry. If Steve were here, he would be doing this, not Bucky. He deserved this. It should have been him.

But then Peggy's heel presses into his ass, her cunt squeezes him tight, and it's all he can do not to thrust so hard and fast that Peggy's head slams into the wall.

It nearly happens anyway. He pushes and she squeezes and they're both of them pistoning against each other so that all he sees is stars. It's all quick and messy, not tender at all, save for the way she holds onto his hair and whispers his name when he comes.

They slide down the wall in weird synchronicity, hitting the floor with a dull thud and a thump of the return to reality. Peggy makes a choked off nose that Bucky mistakes for sobbing; he feels at once, so ashamed of what he has become and at what Steve would think of him treating Peggy in such a terrible way these last few years. He moves to place a comforting hand on her shoulder before he recognises the hiccupping laughter bubbling out of her.

"What a pair we make," she says with a disparaging lilt to her voice. "Can you imagine what Steve would do if he could see us right now?"

"You mean besides taking me to task for being so rude to a lady?" Bucky shoots Peggy a smirk, reminiscent of the old days. "I'm sorry Peggy. I know you miss him too, but I spent my entire childhood making sure that kid survived, and I don't really know what to do now. But I do need to bring him home."

"I know Barnes, I know. And for what it's worth, I'm glad there is someone familiar looking for him. I just wish we could lay him to rest. He did so much for us, he deserves that at the least."

Bucky nods at her and extends a hand, "Truce?"

"Truce. Now, get yourself presentable and go fetch me a change of clothes from my desk. God knows I don't need more rumours around here."

Bucky fetches her change of clothes and escorts her back to the boarding house she is currently staying at, sneaking up to her room so that they can finish off the gin and between them. Reminiscing about Steve they manage to find a semblance of comfort in each other's forgiveness.

They never discuss that night.

But it happens again. Every year, on the anniversary, while the rest of the world celebrates its freedom they seek each other out to allow themselves to mourn the life they lost between them. 

\--

The next four years life contain little variation for Bucky. The majority of his time spent on board searching for Steve. Occasionally Howard accompanies them, when he thinks he might have devised something to speed the process up. Bucky enjoys the company when he’s around, it’s nice to hear updates on how the world is going on without him. Howard explains to him Peggy is still singlehandedly determined to hunt down any remnants of HYRDRA, while the pair of them work on developing the SSR into something better and stronger that it was. He smiles when Howard tells him that they’ve decided on a new name to christen it with. Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division, seemed like a bit of a stretch to Bucky, but he could appreciate that Peggy wanted to remember Steve in such a way.

When he’s stateside he visits with his family, and takes an occasional jaunt the remaining Howlies. Or goes to see the ones who got out while they could. He manages to find some balance that he lost completely when they lost Steve. He makes friends with the regular crew members and he doesn’t hate his life or himself quite so much. 

The fresh air and hard work with life on the trawler leave him tired but still fit. He used to be able to sit still, but since whatever happened in Azzano, he finds that if he tries to stay still for too long he fidgets until he physically has to do something. So he keeps busy, working the harder jobs on board, and taking the longest shifts.  
The nightmares of Zola and of losing Steve fade to manageable levels and Bucky slowly patches himself up. Peggy once said that he had shell sock, and he needed to talk to someone about it, but Bucky thinks he’s dealing just fine on his own. 

\--

On the fifth anniversary Bucky ends up in a heated argument with Peggy and Howard in the middle of the SSR offices. Howard has told him, in no uncertain terms, that this is going to be the last long expedition. Stark was cutting back the hunt, he promised that they’d go back each and every year, but they were slowly running out of places they could reach. 

He knows, logically, that he’s being a dick. But it doesn’t matter. He has to find Steve, he owes it to Mrs Rogers to bring her boy home and Bucky can’t rest until he can see Steve one last time. Until he can properly put him and his ghost to rest. Not for the first time Bucky wishes that Steve had just let him fall that day on the train. At least that way he wouldn’t be going through this. It didn’t matter if Peggy thought he’d got a death wish (true) or Howard thought that there probably wasn’t anything left to find but the shield (probably also true, but Bucky hasn’t managed to complete that thought, let alone admit it out loud, even after all this time). Bucky was going to find Steve or die trying. 

Also not for the first time, he turns away from the SSR offices and heads towards the familiar sight of the seediest bar within a 5 block radius. Since whatever the hell Zola did to him, getting drunk is almost impossible. But only almost and he’s got a good few hours to kill before he needs to be anywhere.

Bucky has been sitting at the bar, drinking whiskey for the last hour when Dum Dum turns up. How the hell he’s here is a mystery, but probably not a coincidence. 

“Barnes,” he says as he takes a seat next to Bucky. “Peggy mentioned that you’d be shipping out again, with the next hunting crew?”

“Yeah.” Bucky grunts, taking another gulp of whiskey and avoiding eye contact. 

“Good.” Dum Dum gestures to the bartender for a refill, raising his glass in a mock toast. “Cap should be brought back. Not just marked with some empty casket in Arlington.”

Bucky blinks in bewilderment. No one has been in support of him shipping out with Starks’ hunting crews for the last few years. His mother had torn herself between wanting to give him a slap around the head and chucking him out for good and locking him in his old room the first time he headed off. She had come around after one good look at Bucky’s face after asking him why he needed to risk himself like this again. Things had been a little tense in the Buchanan family, but in the end they understood why Bucky needed to do this, even if they didn’t agree. 

Bucky brings his gaze up to Dum Dum and nods in acknowledgement. 

“Whatever happens out there, Cap would never forgive you if you didn’t come back, so at least try to stay safe? There’s still a spot waiting with us, if you want it, but you gotta be alive for that.” With that Dum Dum makes to stand. 

Bucky grabs his arm before he can get too far. “I need to do this, but I promise I’ll be back. Starks bored of fishing for leads, so this will be the last time for a while. When I’m back, I’d like to join you. I figure it’s about time I start making up for the last few years.” Bucky had been contemplating it for a while. Stark was just giving him the push he needed. Time was that Bucky would have gone on himself, but without Starks help there was no way he could find Steve. 

“That’s good to hear, Barnes. For what it’s worth, I hope you bring him home this time.” Dum Dum quirks his smile towards Bucky, before finally walking away as Bucky contemplated the bottom of his glass. 

\--

Bucky heads up to the harbour where the Freedom Hunter is docked, it was 4am, but the dock was busy with people stocking up the boat for the long months ahead. This was the last chance he’d get and he was going to make the most of it. With a shout out to Smith, up on the walk way, Bucky stores his meagre possession and heads up to help. 

The first three weeks of the hunt turn into the same monotony that Bucky is used to. Stark is around for this one, but Bucky is still sore at him, so they haven’t been spending much time together. Which is why it’s a shock when Bucky rounds a corner to see Stark coming at him, full tilt, shouting his name. 

“We found it.” 

For a second, Bucky’s world stands still, his heartbeat rockets up and he has to take a deep breath to steady himself. He realises that Howard said ‘it’ and ‘it’ is not what he’s particularly interested in. 

“The energy source?” He clarifies, body settling back to normal. 

“Sure, we found that about a week ago.” Shock flashes across Bucky’s face. “But, more importantly we found a light trail of debris with it and we’ve been tracking it. We found it, we found the Valkyrie.” 

This news shakes Bucky to the core, he reaches out to Howard, and Howard clasps him on the shoulder, a smug grin stretched under his god-awful moustache. 

“Come on Barnes, if he’s going to be anywhere, it’s got to be here.”

Bucky rushes back to his digs to grab his hardier winter wear, before scrambling to catch up with Stark on the main deck. He’s not sure what to expect, but when he opens the door to the upper deck he sees a sharp spike of metal extending from the icy field below, probably one of the wings from the plane, meaning the rest is under there.

“Our plan is to send a small party over, figure out a way to hitch her up to the boat and tug her fully out of the ice plane.” Russo, one of the regular engineers on the trip explains to Bucky. 

“Has anyone gone over yet?” 

“No, we’re making sure it’s safe first. Then we’re going to do all that we can to salvage what we’ve been left with.” Bucky takes in his words, still staring at the sight in front of him as Stark approaches. 

“You’ll be on the first boat across, not to worry. Mostly because we’re going to need your help lifting some of the heavier bits of equipment. So far, our best estimate is that Cap would have been in the cockpit when the plane went down. Hopefully that’s where he’s stayed and that’s where we want to get to first.”

Bucky was still having issues processing that they’d actually found the plane. He’d been searching so hard and for so long that it didn’t feel real to finally be stood in front of it. What’s more he wasn’t sure if he was ready. Up to this point he’d been able to tell himself that he had to do this because he couldn’t leave Steve there. But the second they found Steve then it would mean he had to properly let him go. Bucky didn’t think he would ever be ready for that, based on the dread that flooded his body. 

Stark was looking to him for an answer. 

“Sure thing pal. Tell me what you need me to do. It’s time we took Steve home.”

The next few hours consisted of a lot of science talk that Bucky happily tuned out while his mind churned around the ideas of what they were going to find. Bucky wasn’t stupid. There was a chance Steve could be mangled up. Fish food already. That he could be crushed. That they’d only find part of him or nothing at all. The rush of relief that he’d felt when Stark found him earlier had soon been replaced by the fear of finally finding Steve and still not being ready to let him go. 

They loaded up one of the lifeboats, specifically modified to be deployable for exploration of harder to reach areas and slowly made their way to the exposed wing of the Valkyrie. Working in the freezing winds buffering them around made it hard to climb to their destination, and harder to determine where the best locations were going to be. Nevertheless, the science contingent soon had a plan figured out and put Bucky to work attaching hooks and magnetic contraptions up. Howard had spent some time helping to devise the machinery to pull out the Valkyrie with as little damage as possible. The plan was to pull her out now, and open any hatches they could find, letting the excess water drain out of the plane before attempting to venture inside. 

Bucky struggled to get his bubbling emotions under control. It had been a long time since all he felt was emptiness, but he’d still been holding them down. This had set him rolling, the ever present sadness of missing Steve was still there, but the warring elation, regret and anger of the situation kept him off balance. 

They made short work off getting back to the trawler and with a shudder that was felt throughout the vessel, they slowly pulled off. For a moment the Valkyrie and their equipment let out an ear piercing shriek of clashing metal, and a few sparks flew from the tangle of heavy duty metal cables connecting the two. Bucky thought that the connectors were going to separate and was about half a second away from diving in to the murky depths to keep hold of what they had found. 

Slowly the Freedom Hunter continued onwards, gradually pulling the buried war bird from its icy tomb. As soon as she’d been pulled fully out of the ice and onto a sturdier patch of ground, Bucky was off.

The Valkyrie was twisted and bent in places, currently with her back to them, they could see where damage had broken her stern. They secured the plane in place, wrenching open some of the outer doors that had been melded shut with ice and time. 

Bucky saw the gaping open window as they rounded her outer edges. Panic gripped him. There was no way Steve could have stayed in the cockpit without floating off. Bucky felt a pang of despair shoot through him. If Steve wasn’t with the plane, they were never going to find him. He set off at a run, ignoring the shouts from Stark and the other engineers. He had to know and he had to know now.

Leaping upwards, he caught on one of the hanging metal struts that had once made up the intersections of the cockpit window and pulled himself into a position so that he could climb into the cockpit itself. 

Bucky landed hard, falling to his knees. The cold saturated his clothes and hands, he pushed himself up into a kneeling position and then could go no further. Steve was there. Steve was whole, and just the same as the last time Bucky had seen him. He was also encased in a thick layer of ice, shield clutched to his chest and braced into the pilot seat. Bucky had found him. 

A tiny clinking sound dragged Bucky’s attention away from the vision before him. He soon realised the noise was coming from the tears that were slowly rolling down his face and freezing before they could hit the ground. For the first time Bucky broke down. Sapped of all his strength he knelt before Steve and wept, finally allowing himself to mourn. There was no denial any more. No more harbouring fantasies of Steve somehow surviving, he knew it wasn’t logical, and Bucky wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone, but he really thought that Steve was still here. Maybe he’d lost his memory and didn’t know how to get back to him. Or maybe he didn’t want to. But no, he hadn’t come back because he couldn’t, because he was dead. 

By the time Stark found his way to the cockpit, Bucky was wrecked. His sobs had abated and he was curled up into himself, propped against the centre console. He felt numb again, but this time from a combination of freezing his ass off and finally letting go of the emotions he had been so long repressing. But on the heels of the numbness he felt relieved too. He could take Steve home now, take him home and find some way to move on. Finally give Peggy and himself the closure that they needed. 

At Starks request Bucky reluctantly returned to the ship. Medical personal checked him over, but any lingering frostbite had already cleared itself up. Declared healthy he headed back to his bunk. Howard was going to bring Steve back on board and salvage anything they could, before putting the Valkyrie back in the water and heading off to America. It would be another two weeks before they would arrive and Bucky planned on spending it sleeping. He felt like sleep was the only thing he really needed and that he might actually be able to rest now. 

He doesn’t sleep well, his dreams filled with voices that he doesn’t recognise, but he does sleep through the majority of the work Howard and his crew carry out. Howard comes to wake him when they are finally ready to move the body and get on with their journey home. 

“Barnes, I’m sorry.” For a second Bucky panics, thinking something has gone wrong. “I know you wanted to find him, but I know all too well that want we want and how we feel when we get it can be very different things.”

\--

Bucky crept into the cold storage room where various artefacts from the Valkyrie had been placed, including the glowing blue cube, contained via one of Howard's latest creations. 

The crew had attempted to make Steve look comfortable, but it was pretty difficult to make a block of ice anything more than it was. They'd built a cooling system around him, so that he didn't thaw out during the voyage home. 

Bucky took his now-regular spot in front of Steve. He'd felt like talking the first few nights, telling story after story about Peggy and the Howling Commandos. Telling Steve about his nieces and how the Barnes were carrying on. Finally allowing himself to grieve, Bucky told Steve everything he’d ever felt for him and finally found a semblance of peace. Tonight he cautiously approached the cooling area, daring to reach out and gently rest his hand against the cold ice encasing Steve’s face. 

He moves to sit, silently staring at Steve's face, recommitting it to memory. He'd tried to draw him the first day but couldn't hold the pencil still enough to make a straight line. 

"Barnes."

Bucky's head whipped around, expecting to have finally been caught by Stark, but the room was empty. The blue glow from the cube seemed far more intense than it had earlier, but Bucky shrugged it off. Just his mind playing tricks on him in the cold solitude of the room. 

"Jaaa-ames." An echoing voice sing-songed his name. 

Bucky tried to rise from his perch on the floor but found that he was rooted to the spot. 

"How curious," this time the voice was solid and accompanied with a swish of cloth as something passed by Bucky's side and came to stand facing Steve's frozen form. 

"I don't suppose this ice sculpture belongs to you?"

Bucky tried to answer but, couldn't make a sound. What the hell was going on? 

"Uhm. Intriguing. Yes, you did make a bargain didn't you? Are the terms still agreeable?" The tall, cloaked figure made no turn towards Bucky but he knew the question was directed at him. 

"What bargain?"

"What would you give to save your dear Captain?"

"Steve's dead. There ain't no saving him."

"Do you really think so? Rather far to come for a corpse, don't you think? No, I think my conditions will make things much more interesting. I'll accept your terms." With that the figure turned into the eerie light, making his pale skin glow blue. 

Bucky reared back, trying to convince himself that this was some fucked up dream brought on by recent events. He dismissed the thought as the man walked towards him, gently lifting his hand towards Bucky.

"Was it left or right?” He titled his head and peered at Bucky. “Never mind, either will do." 

The hand reached towards Bucky and grasped his left shoulder. An unbearable pain shot through Bucky and an almighty crack sounded in the small room. 

Bucky was screaming, the agony resonating from his shoulder reducing him to a quivering mess on the floor. He was gazing at the ice trying to comprehend what he was seeing. He swore he could see Steve moving through the ever widening crack that had appeared bisecting the ice across the shield. 

Bucky must have been screaming something fierce as he could hear the pounding of footsteps echoing across the chamber. With a resounding cacophony and a flash of bright, blinding blue the ice around Steve shattered into fragments across the floor at the same time as the door was flung open and Howard came rushing in. 

Bucky was barely hanging on, and he must have been hallucinating from the pain because before he passed out he could have sworn he hear Steve call his name. 

\--

Bucky came to, strapped into a gurney in the medical bay. He tried to sit up only to realise he couldn't catch his balance and would have fallen if not for the combination of straps and the kind hand on his shoulder. 

Bucky couldn't be sure what he noticed first, the fact that it was Steve's hand on him or the fact that below his other shoulder was a well of pain where his arm should have been. 

"Bucky." Steve was alive. Bucky must be having another nightmare. Or his dreams had finally come to haunt him.

"...ghost?" Bucky asked, his voice trembling with emotion.

"No Bucky, I'm here. It's me. I got no clue what you did, but one minute I was putting the Valkyrie in the water and the next second I was stood in front of you while that bastard took your arm."

"Saw him?"

"Yeah Buck, I saw him. And I'm going to see him again, I owe him an ass kicking."

Bucky tries to laugh, only to be wracked with a coughing fit that brings a medic running. While the medic fusses around, checking his vitals and setting him up with some pain killers, Bucky focuses on Steve. He’s so overwhelmed with the mixture of shock, pain and whatever the hell you call the feeling of having your dead best friend coming back to life in front of you. “What happened?” 

“Well, Stark picked up some alarming spikes from the cube and rushed to the room, or so he tells me. He arrived just in time to see me bursting through the ice, and to find you on your side, bleeding out.” Steve shrugs. “I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry Buck.”

“Sorry?” 

“Your arm. It’s been completely severed. Howard said that if you didn’t have enhanced healing – which we will be discussing later – then you’d be dead by now. What where we just talking about? Huh. No bargaining you for me.” Steve’s face was stormy, but he couldn’t help casting a reassuring smile at Bucky. 

Bucky stares at him, incredulously. “Just? JUST?! Try 5 years ago pal.” Steve pales. “Oh, no one managed to let you know about that huh? We’ve been searching for your god damned body for the last 5 years because you wouldn’t let us HELP YOU!” Bucky is shouting by the end, once again trying and failing to rise up from the bed. Bucky feels an unholy combination of emotions running through him, but eclipsing everything else is anger. 

The medic, who must have relocated to continue monitor Bucky comes rushing back in, and quickly sedates him before any more damage can be done. 

\--

The next time Bucky comes around, he’s feeling calmer, but he’s pretty sure that it’s more to do with the drugs being pumped into him rather than any natural calmness. 

Steve is curled up on the tiny chair that has been dragged next to his bed, snoring lightly as he naps. Bucky can’t decide if he wants to sit here and watch him sleep some more, wake him up so that he can reassure Bucky that he isn’t trapped in some dream or nightmare, or wake him up so that he can tear him to fucking pieces for crashing himself into the middle of fucking nowhere. 

Before he can make a decision, Howard disturbs the quite, bustling in with print outs and mumbling about energy exchanges and supercharged ions. Steve jerks to attention, swivelling round into a protective crouch in front of Bucky. 

“Easy big fella, I’m just here to check up on our patient, and see if we can figure out what in the hell happened down there.” Howard pulls up a second chair, and sets his notes down. “As far as we can see, the cube let out some kind of blast, fracturing the ice around Steve. We’re pretty sure that it must have restarted his heart and warmed in him in some freaky energy transfer that I haven’t quite figure out yet. It’s fascinating, the-” 

Bucky and Steve cut in at the same time, and stop when they realise the other has spoken. Steve waves to Bucky to continue. 

“What about the guy?” 

“What guy?” Howard asks. 

“The tall guy in a long cloak that was talking about deals and oh, yeah, took my fucking arm with him. That guy.” Howard looks like Bucky has actually lost his mind, which Bucky thinks would be a fair assumption in any other circumstance. 

“Barnes, I walked into that room the second it all happened. The cube blasted the ice, Steve stumbled from the wreckage and you were a bloody heap on the floor. I kind of assumed, you done something stupid and actually touched the cube. It was the only thing I could come up with to address you missing a limb and reanimating a dead super-soldier in one move. Not the case?” 

Bucky shakes his head, and Steve speaks up. 

“There was a man, tall, pale. Long black hair and wearing a cloak. When I moved, the ice shattered and I saw him holding onto Bucky, or at least I thought I did. He grabbed at his shoulder and by the time I could move, you came barging through the door and he’d gone.” Steve is looking at Howard with his best serious Captain’s scowl. 

“Well, that’s interesting. I’ll take another look at the figures we got from the cube, but I can’t make any promises.” Howard jots a few notes down, Bucky suspects it’s something about shared hallucinations and crazy HYDRA experiments, and smiles to himself. “So, medical tells me that while you’re lucky to be alive, and you really, really are, the socket seems to be healing at an astonishing rate. How are you holding up?” 

Bucky is jolted back to his body. He knew his arm was gone, but he’d yet to make any kind of connection to his arm no longer actually being there. He guessed he should be freaking out about it, and he was sure once the drugs fully wore off, that would be on the cards. But he kept thinking about the man. He said it was an exchange, Bucky’s bargain for Steve’s life. He clearly remembers saying that he’d give his arm to keep Steve, he just never really thought it would happen. But then again if the price to pay for Steve’s life was a limb, then hell, Bucky had three more to give. 

Bucky shrugged, well, tried to shrug. It turned into some one armed flail in their general direction. “I’m alive, Steve’s alive. So things could be worse.” Steve has a pinched look on his face. “I guess I’ll know better once you’re medics stop drugging me to the point of painlessness. I know it’s gone, but it just feels like it’s meant to be gone? I want to panic, but I just don’t have any in me. Maybe our disappearing man did something else to me?” Bucky’s stomach lurches at that thought, it’s entirely possible that his arm isn’t the only thing that he has lost. Or gained. 

The sudden introspection seems to put Howard on edge, he claps Bucky on his good shoulder. “Well, we’ve got a couple of weeks to figure it all out before we’ll reach home turf. I, uh, I haven’t contacted Peggy yet. I’m not really sure what to say.”

Silence settles over the three of them.

“I guess, I should be the one to talk to her?” Steve says. 

“Not a chance in hell pal. Just, leave her for now. I think this is the kind of thing you have to find out in person. Plus, I don’t know about you, but I’m thinking the less people who know about this, the better?” Bucky can’t imagine what it would have done to him to get a call like that, mostly because at best it could be a cruel joke that no one could take seriously. Peggy deserved to see Steve, because Bucky doesn’t think she’d believe it until she did. Hell knows, he wouldn’t have. 

\--

Bucky spends a lot of the next week drifting in and out of consciousness between bandage changes and being supplied with more medication. Throughout it all, Steve is by his bedside. They exchange a few meaningless conversations, Bucky gets used to waking up to find Steve carefully curled around him, conserving heat in the chilled are of the infirmary. They don’t really get chance to talk until the haze of medication clears from Bucky’s head and he can actually concentrate for longer than a few moments at a time. 

In between bouts of consciousness Bucky spends a lot of time thinking about the last 5 years. It feels as if they didn’t happen, as if he knew that this was going to happen, and that he just had to get through them so that he could be back with Steve. It’s stupid, he knows that he couldn’t have predicted this, but once he’s assured himself that Steve is real, the apathy that surrounded him seems to melt away. He finds himself smiling at nothing, cracking jokes with the crew that come to visit and whistling a jazz tune that he remembers playing the last time he went dancing. 

He goes from the emptied out husk of the Bucky of the last 5 hard years, and almost back to the carefree Bucky of their time in Brooklyn. Not quite the same, the lingering effects of war and the many sudden reminders of his missing arm always jolt him to full awareness of the here and now, but he feels lighter and free, more so than he can remember feeling in a long time. 

He’s also split down the middle, half of him giddy with the anticipation of taking Steve home to Peggy, and half of him dreading the day when they land and this peaceful lull will come to an end as he hands Steve off to Peggy. 

\--

The week before they are due back into New York, Bucky (and Steve) have moved into Bucky’s cabin. His arm is as good as it’s going to get. Howard has made some contact with his staff, and it sounds like Bucky’s life is about to become a whole host of tests and trials with some of the best surgeons in the country. Bucky couldn’t care less, but both Steve and Howard have been insistent that he’ll be getting the best treatment just as soon as they can get it for him.

Bucky wakes to feel Steve shifting restlessly against him, and strokes his hand over the arm Steve has carelessly thrown over his stomach.

Steve turns and opens his eyes, giving Bucky a hazy smile. "Sorry," he says. "Did I wake you?"

"I was up anyway," Bucky lies. Steve would feel guilty if he woke him up now, and Bucky doesn't see any need to make Steve feel bad about anything. Having him here is more than worth the price of putting up with his tossing and turning, the occasional mutter, and soft, random snores.

Apparently, one of the super powers Steve got from the serum is lie detection. He looks guilty, anyway. "I'm sorry, Buck," he says. "I shouldn't be so close. You need your rest."

He starts to get up, and before Bucky can stop himself, he's grabbing Steve's arm and pulling him closer. 

"I need you here," he says. He knows how it sounds and he doesn't care.

Steve looks at him, hesitating in the moment. They symmetry of the strikes Bucky; the last time they were on the cusp of addressing this thing between them, Bucky had an injured shoulder and Steve was being hesitant. The more things change, he thought to himself. 

They move together and the moment shifts, becoming the first time they’ve kissed in more days that Bucky cares to count. 

Steve's mouth is hot and wet, and the kiss is urgent, like something he's been holding back for so long he's going to die if he doesn't do it now. He pulls Bucky's shirt over his head like it's nothing, stopping for only a second to look ruefully at where it snags on the stump of his arm. 

Bucky kisses him again before he can get too wrapped up in thinking about that instead of doing this.

The noises Steve makes are surprised, like he doesn't know what to think of Bucky being so eager now when he was so hesitant before. He doesn't understand, maybe can't ever really understand, what a miracle it is just to have him here, warm and alive and easy to touch. Bucky's never hesitating again.

He pulls Steve's shirt off with his good hand, and begins kissing a path down his belly.

Steve laughs even as he shivers from the feel of it, and he puts a restraining hand on Bucky's shoulder. "Hang on," he says. "Let me just--" He doesn't finish the sentence, just nudges Bucky onto his back, kissing his mouth and reaching between his legs.

Bucky gasps, and it takes all of his self-control not to arch against Steve's hand. Steve's. Hand. That is Steve's hand, and he is putting it there. Bucky's brain might melt from the thought.

His cock is perfectly happy to go along with this state of affairs, and hardens instantly.

Where Bucky was urgent, Steve is gentle. He takes his time. He rubs his thumb along the head, encircling the shaft with the rest of his hand in one slow, smooth motion, first up, then down. He finds a rhythm like the rocking of the waves, and Bucky tries to control his breathing and let it happen. Up. Down. Around. There's a roaring in his ears like the crash of planes into ice and when he spills against Steve's hand, it's not without a few tears.

After, cradled in Steve’s arms, and blissfully enjoying the closeness and comfort that Bucky never thought he would find with him, he resolves himself once again. This moment, this precious time together is something he will never forget, but this isn’t something he can let himself keep either. 

Bucky thinks of Peggy, the last time he’d seen her, curled upon herself looking at the picture she kept of Steve in her locket after their last round of drunken commiseration. Steve and Peggy were a perfectly matched pair, hot-headed, stubborn and good right down to their cores, and now more than ever Bucky was less than that. 

\--

No one was forewarned them that Peggy would be meeting them at the dock, but there she was, bright as ever and already co-ordinating the ground staff as the Freedom Hunter approached.

Bucky and Steve are leaning on one of the lower railings watching the activity as the boat comes into harbour. So he hears the whoosh of breath that leaves Steve the second that Steve sets his sights on her.

“Don’t you two have a date?” Bucky asks, forcing a smirk across his face.

“I think I’m about 5 years too late for that one.” Steve says, he looks hesitant again, and unsure of what to do. 

“For that one?” Bucky asks, nodding in Peggy’s direction. “For that one you’re never going to be too late.” Steve looks at Bucky, torn as it’s possible for him to be. A spark of mischief lights up in Bucky. “Get back down below, and stay there until the cost is clear.” 

Steve stealthily makes his way down to their bunk, as Bucky moves into action. He grabs Howard on his way, quickly explaining his plan as they move to clear Peggy out of the area as soon as possible. She’s sharp as a tack and it would only take one wrong word for her to know, and Bucky has just had the best idea of how to make this particular announcement. 

\--

“Bucky, are you sure this is a good idea?” Steve is stood hidden to the side at the Stork Club, dressed in a hastily thrown together dress uniform befitting Captain Rogers. Bucky is beaming with joy at the chaos which is about to ensue. Steve is fidgeting with nervousness. He’s still coming to terms with the fact that 5 years have passed, but Bucky thinks he’s managed to cover most of the things he needs to know. With the exception of his and Peggy’s yearly ritual. 

Peggy, after getting over the shock of Bucky allowing her to fuss over him (in her politely refined English way that is), had reluctantly agreed to meet with him at the club. He figured she knew something was going on, but he’d bet money that she had reached the conclusion that they’d found Steve’s body, and that Bucky had thought this was a fitting send off. 

Bucky was going to get slapped, again, but it would be worth every stinging second. Providing he didn’t make Peggy cry in public that is, because then he’d probably be getting something a lot more painful that a slap to the face. 

He left Steve at the alcove and headed to sit with Howard and the few Howling Commandos that were close enough to come for a drink on such short notice. They were also in the dark about Steve, so maybe Bucky had checked himself into deep water on this one, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Gathering everyone together for one last toast to Captain America. 

“What’s got you so cheerful?” Falsworth asked, as he noticed the wicked upturn of Bucky’s lips. 

“Just in a good mood.” The group let out a nervous chuckle, it had been a long while since anyone had seen this side of Barnes. 

“Gentlemen.” Peggy announced her presence, getting the jump on the entire table of skilfully trained men, who all rose to stand and greet her. Bucky moved to Peggy, hugging her tightly – the shock causing her to freeze for a second, at such a caring and public gesture. Bucky silently signalled to Steve to make his move. 

Bucky kept Peggy there for the agonising second in which Steve failed to appear, she could clearly feel the anticipation running through Bucky, and started to move away from him. 

A hush settled over the room as he pulled her close a second time, whispering in her ear. “I got something for you, don’t hit me too hard.” He said with a wink, stepping back so that Steve was in front of her, his form haloed by the glow of the lighting in the club. He felt Peggy falter as she took in the vision in front of her. 

For a second it felt like the world stood still. The bar that had previously been hushed fell in to complete silence as Captain America walked through their ranks. He barely managed a second step after Peggy saw him, and sprinted the short distance to throw herself into his arms.

“Haven’t you guys got anything better to be doing?” Dum Dum’s loud voice rang out through the still room, and set it back into motion. A lot of that motion was incredulous waving at the sight in front of them. Not that it seemed to matter one speck to Steve and Peggy. They were stood stock still, staring into each other’s eyes, tenderly embracing. 

Bucky watched as they exchanged shy words and gravitated closer to each other. Far more than the pain he felt at handing Steve off like this was the elation he felt for the pair of them. He loved Steve more than he could even understand, but he’d grown to love Peggy over the years and to see them together filled him with euphoria. He thought it would hurt, but seeing them together finally made him feel whole again. He’d done right by Steve Rogers, and that’s really all he’d ever wanted. 

With a quick smile in their direction, he sat down and proposed a familiar toast, “Let’s hear it for Captain America and the formidable Peggy Carter!” The Commandos jeered and lifted their glasses in their honour. 

Peggy and Steve disappeared for a long while, and came back with red rimmed eyes and slightly rumpled clothing, before joining the group for a long line of toasts and a hell of a lot of catching up. 

Peggy and Steve finally had their dance, Bucky chuckling from the side-lines as Steve almost stepson Peggy’s toes while the pair dance to one of the slowest of songs the band can play. They look radiant together, even as she steers Steve away from doing any lasting damage to her toes, and they finished triumphantly together. Steve casts a long glance in Bucky’s direction as Peggy whispers something to him, before she headed towards Bucky. 

“Barnes.” She holds her hand out to him, and he takes it and pulls her close, it wouldn’t be worth his life to deny her this dance, even though the awkwardness of only being able to wrap one arm around her waist. “I ought to smack you from once side of this club to the other. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Couldn’t find the words, doll.” 

“Yes, well. Next time, please do. Or rather, let’s not have a next time of this, if you don’t mind.” Bucky chuckles at her. For once everything feels right and nothing is going to ruin this moment. 

“I don’t know how to thank you, Steve told me everything he remembers. You’ve sacrificed so much, for him. For me. I know that, and I-“ 

“Sacrifice implies I lost something in all of this, and that just ain’t true.” Bucky sways with her, and rests his head against hers, inhaling the scent of her perfume tinged with the familiar air of Steve that is clinging to her. He smiles again nothing in the world could be better than this very moment. 

“Come home with us.” Peggy says it with determination. Bucky’s steps falter as he looks up to meet her eyes. 

“What, I don’t. Why would I do that? You and Steve-“

“Both want you to come home with us. In fact, I’m going to go as far as saying you don’t have a choice in the matter.” She fixes Bucky with a stern look. “I’ve had enough of self-sacrificing men to last me a life time. The pair of you need to get your head out of your arses and I’m the woman to do it.” 

“No, Peggy. I can’t. I can’t come home with you and then have to leave once you’ve got this gratitude out of your system. I don’t think I come back from that.” 

“You really are just as much as a dope as Steve. Home, Barnes. The three of us are home. You don’t have to leave unless you want to.” Her smile cracks a little at that, and Bucky wonders just how much he missed during his hunt for Steve, finally realising that Peggy would have been there for him to come home to, with or without Steve. 

He lets out a shaky laugh and presses his head against hers once more, glancing to the side he sees Steve, fairly beaming at the pair of them. If it wouldn’t cause the scandal of the century Bucky would kiss Peggy right here and now before striding over to do the same to Steve. 

He makes do by taking her hand and walking her over to Steve. 

\--

Bucky, Peggy, and Steve stay at the Stork Club, drink and dancing with their friends in a glorious celebration well into the small hours of the night. The heated glances passing between Steve and Peggy are not missed within their little group, but Bucky thinks the slyer ones he share with the two of them escape notice. It doesn’t help to tame the riot of emotion that Bucky has been feeling since they first found Steve, but it calms him to know that he isn’t the only one who understands what he’s going through. 

He watches as the pair of them dance again, their eye contact moving between lustful heat and gentle tenderness as quickly as they turn. He watches greedily at the stunning beauty the pair of them make, a study in contrasts that Steve could tell him about in detail. Peggy’s smile is luminous in the low glimmer of the club lighting, traces of her lipstick are adorning Steve’s cheeks, as he grins happily back at her. 

They started trickling out of the club, one by one. First Howard, Jarvis appearing to escort him home. Then Dum Dum, accompanied by one of the clubs hostesses. Falsworth and Jones headed out next, leaving the three alone. 

 

They gathered the shedder coats and headed out into the brisk night, setting off towards the house Peggy and Angie were sharing. 

 

Bucky, brimming with happiness, was brought back to reality by a sounds echoing through one of the alleys they passed by. He watched with dread at the exact moment both Peggy and Steve rushed down the alley, not thought for planning or the safety of anyone involved, including recently injuries best friends.

 

Bucky had the sudden realisation of what he'd done to himself. Instead of one crazy hot-head who'd rush in where angels feared to tread, he'd now signed himself up to two of them. A self-depreciating smile crossed his face as he took stock of the situation, arming himself with a useful piece of pipe that he liberated from being lodged against the wall and set off to make sure neither of them had managed to do something really stupid in the short amount of time passed. 

 

The ally way scuffle was over quickly, Bucky waded in to the fray in time to smash the punk about to stab Steve in the back, while two of his buddies where coming at Steve full on. Peggy had her assailant on his knees, kicking out at a second that had foolishly gotten in range. 

 

Bucky faltered, his lack of a second arm made him relatively useless now he'd lost the element of surprise. They'd have to work on training him up in the future. He swung and missed, sidestepped away, then swung and connected with the second of Steve's attackers who had charged after Bucky after the other had gone down with the clunk of the pipe to the back of his head. Steve, nodding his thanks at Bucky, finished knocking the pair of them out and as they stood Peggy sauntered over, a wicked smile on her face and a trail of disarmed men left behind her. 

 

Bucky hadn't seen many things hotter. 

 

They waited restlessly for the SHIELD forces Peggy summoned to arrive, the thugs had been in the middle of beating a stray dog, who was currently wrapped in Steve's jacket and shivering in his arms. Well, Steve had always wanted a dog, and there was no denying him when he got that determined look on his face. 

 

They finally managed to continue home, luckily without falling into any more trouble.

 

It struck Bucky that his life was about to get even more interesting in a multitude of ways he'd never even considered. He wondered if stark would let him have the boat. A quit life as a fisher man seemed appealing when compared to a life following Steve and Peggy into every ally in Brooklyn to defend the canine population. He voiced his concerns to the pair of them, who laughed in joyous rapture at his teasing. Bucky wrapped his arm around Peggy's waist as Steve walked with them side by side, the damned dog panted with happiness from Steve's arms. 

 

When they finally arrived at the beautiful brownstone Peggy called home, she led them inside to the kitchen where they checked the dog over and got him settled in with a comfy blanket to lay on, and bowl of water to see him through the night.

After the hustle and bustle of the club and the frantic fight down one of Brooklyn's finest alleys, the three of them stood in silence in Peggy's kitchen, thrumming with pent up energy and unsure of what move to make. 

 

Peggy, once again proving her bravery above his and Steve's, reached up to pull first Steve and then Bucky into quick, but passionate kisses. 

 

When she pulled back from kissing Bucky they both turned to Steve, who looked like all his deepest wishes had come true, beaming at them from ear to ear. He reached forward to capture Bucky's head and pulled him in to kiss as well. 

 

"Come on, up to bed with the both of you." Peggy said, a sultry grin curved across her face as she slowly lead them upwards to her rooms. 

 

Awkwardness descended once more as the entered her bedroom. The room was beautifully finished, with the largest bed Bucky had ever seen, adorned with fancy curtains and raised slightly above the rest of the room. He raised a questioning eyebrow in Peggy's direction. 

 

"It’s Stark’s. This house was a rather generous gift that he wouldn’t let me refuse. It came fully furnished. Is a girl really supposed to turn down such luxury?"

 

Bucky watches as Steve and Peggy slowly undress each other, the both reach out to include him, but he moves away and settles himself on the bed. He’d already had them both, and the guilt was tugging at him. He wanted to see them together, “Let me watch you both first.” 

 

“Steve?” Peggy guides Steve’s attention away from Bucky spread out across the bed, propped on his good arm and paying them all the attention he has. 

 

Steve turns to Peggy, and begins to kiss her tenderly, before she pulls him closer and takes a tight grip on his hair, forcing her way into his mouth. Steve bends slightly at the knees, hooking her thighs under his arm before lifting her up as easy as anything, so she can wrap her legs around his waist. They stand kissing for a moment, before Steve walks them both towards the bed, gently tossing Peggy down, kissing down the column of her throat as he goes before shooting a look at Bucky, now with a bird’s eye view of the pair. 

 

“Anything in particularly you want to watch, Buck?” The dirty smirk streaked across Steve’s face isn’t one that Bucky is used to, but it’s one he’s going to be glad to get to know.  
“Anything you want to show me, pal.” Bucky answers, reaching down to lay fully on his side, and run his hand through Peggy’s hair. “Gotta make sure you know how to treat a lady right.”

 

Steve reaches up to place a quick kiss on Bucky’s mouth, and Peggy lets out an obscene moan at the sight. “As lovely as the view is, Steve, I think we should all be wearing a lot less clothing.” She reaches up and stars to unbutton the stiff shirt, tugging the already loose tie and throwing it to the ground. Steve kneels up on the bed and Bucky takes a moment or ten to appreciate the way they look together, Peggy’s stockinged legs thrown over Steve’s thick thighs, as he leans over her to rub a hand across her curves. 

 

Of all the firsts of Steve’s that Bucky’s witnessed, watching his first time with a dame, let alone was as knock out as Peggy is right at the top of the list. He makes quick, but delicate work of divesting Peggy of her red dress, and much slower work of finally getting her bra and underwear off, a look of panic crossing his face when trying to get the tricky clasps undone, but eventually his fingers manage it. 

 

Bucky and Peggy exchange lazy kisses while watching Steve make much quicker and far less delicate work of stripping himself off, before returning to the bed, timidly covering himself as he climbs up. Both Bucky and Peggy share a chuckle at his bashfulness, it ain’t like Steve’s ever had anything to be ashamed of, especially not now he’s a wall of toned muscle and flawless skin. 

 

His hands shake slightly as he makes to kneel over Peggy, but she solves that problem for him by a swift turn and pull. Steve lands on his back with a dull thud as Peggy moves to settle herself on top of him, leaning down to push herself against him, as things take a sudden switch from the soft slow moment of discovery, to something hotter and faster.  
Peggy wraps her hand around Steve, quickly stroking him to an impressive hardness, and without giving a warning, leans her head down and wraps her red, red lips around his member. Steve eyes almost roll out of the back of his head at the first touch, Bucky can see him struggle not to push up into her mouth as she sets a fast pace, head bobbing up and down. 

“Peggy!” Steve cries out. “Wait. AH. Fuck.” She looks up at the both of them, as she swallows around Steve’s dick, eyes full of mirth before popping off of him with an obscene noise. 

“What on earth is the matter?” 

“I’m almost, gonna.”

“That is entirely the point, my darling, I’ve always been curious just how the serum affected your stamina in this situation. Obviously, field testing wasn’t something we could do before, but now? I want to know exactly what we can do.” She takes Steve in her mouth again and continues sucking his cock in a beautiful rhythm that has Steve thrashing around and Bucky truly regretting the loss of his arm for the first time. As if reading his thoughts, Steve makes an awkwardly angled grab for Bucky’s dick, rubbing him once, twice and then retreating, making Bucky moan out loud into the room. 

Bucky decides that this position just isn’t working, and hastily moves himself up the bed, propped against the head board, so he can look across the expanse of perfect skin before him. Steve reaches up this time and grabs hold of his hand. A sweetly innocent gesture in the midst of a blow job. His hand tightens and relaxes as Peggy continues her ministrations, Bucky can see that Steve is getting close, his hips thrusting up to meet Peggy’s downward motions and muscles tensing across his stomach. 

“Peg! I’m gonna come. Oh gosh. Peg.”

Steve goes stock still as his climax hits him, Bucky’s hand in a vice like grip. His other hand had found its way into Peggy’s hair, lightly holding her head to him and she keeps swallowing around him. Bucky leans down to kiss across the top of his crown, holding him through the aftershocks and resting his head against Steve’s. 

Peggy moves off of Steve and pulls herself up to lay down half on top of him, her hand coming to rest on Bucky’s hip as they share tender this tender moment. Bucky shakes Steve’s hand from his, and returns the gesture, the two of them caging Steve in and basking in the moment. 

Peggy pushes herself up to meet Bucky in a searing kiss, but unlike any other they’ve shared before, this one isn’t tinged with any sadness or regret. 

Steve makes to push himself up, but Bucky and Peggy both reach and push him back down. 

“Stay where you are solider, you owe this lady a good time.” Bucky decides to fuck being cautious, and moves Peggy so she’s sat over Steve’s face. “You got any clue what to do down there, buddy?” Steve takes the hint of challenge and pushes his face up into Peggy’s cunt, causing her to giggle as he misjudges and hits his nose lightly against her. Bucky moves so his legs are spread, with Steve’s head resting between the v of his thighs and tuts. “It’s a good job I’m here, otherwise Peggy would be shit out of luck, with you down there.” Peggy balances herself on Bucky’s shoulders, casting him a quick glance to make sure he’s ok, when she skims the edge of his missing arm. 

Bucky sends her a reassuring nod, before grabbing hold of her hip and pulling her up, spreading her across his thighs, coming to rest with her cunt exactly where he wants her. She leans back, resting her arms on Steve’s abs as Bucky guides her down, and spreads her lips open. For all Steve’s lack of experience, he doesn’t need telling what to do this time, and moves to lick into her folds. 

Its Peggy’s turn to buck up this time, her breath hitching as Steve shows her what the tongue of a super solider can do. Bucky moves his fingers, sliding inside her, Steve licking across his fingers and as deep into her as he can manage. Bucky keeps up steady pressure against her clit as she rides his fingers and drenches Steve’s face with wetness.

“Oh fuck. Oh dear lord.” She gasps out. Peggy pulls herself upright, grabbing back hold of Bucky’s shoulder and pulling him closer so she can rest her head against him. She writhes, pushing herself down on their entwined appendages, Steve tongue snaking between Bucky’s fingers as they both work her over. She pants into Bucky’s shoulder as her climax approaches. Steve finally realises he hands, and grabs hold of her ass as she mounts his face. Sneaking a hand up to cup her breast, he gives a vicious tweak to her nipple and pushes her over the edge. She shakes through her orgasm, gasps and ohhs escaping her lips, lipstick now smeared across her face, Bucky’s arm, and remnants adorning Steve’s dick. 

Peggy finally gets her bearings and shifts off of Steve’s face, she moves backwards, bumping into his renewed erection, this time she reaches between them and pulls him up, so he’s sandwiched between the two of them. He settles back against Bucky, pushing himself against the hard line of Bucky’s dick as Bucky curls his arm around Steve, moaning into the back of Steve’s neck. Peggy settles herself, perched on Steve’s thigh so the three of them can exchange lazy kisses, sharing the taste of Steve and herself between them. She reaches down towards Bucky’s dick, but he stops her. As much as he’d love the release, he still wants to watch the two of them together. 

“I don’t think he did too badly, for his first time around, huh Peg?” 

“I’d rather agree,” she says, affectionately rubbing a hand through Steve’s hair and he pushes into her touch. “But I don’t think we’re done, just yet.” 

“Steve, my dearest.” She turns his head so he’s focused on her, “Make love to me.”

Steve rubs her breast, leaning down to kiss the nipple he’d tweaked before, and licking across it, before taking it in his mouth and lightly biting down. 

They move again, this time Bucky sits and watches as Steve moves to lay Peggy down, spreading her legs as he moves between them, already eager to come again. He takes time to map out her skin, inspecting the cluster of freckles under her left breast, before licking them and tracing his tongue down her stomach, dipping into her belly button, before moving back up to kiss into her mouth. He grasps her thigh in his hand, and moves himself up, rubbing against her sex as he teases her some more. 

Peggy runs out of patience, hooking her leg around Steve and pulling him in. He slides against her at first, before she reaches between them pushing just the tip of Steve’s dick into her slick, wet heat.

Bucky almost comes from the sounds they make when Steve thrusts into Peggy, the two of them turn frantic, rutting together as they urge each other on. Peggy starches her nails down Steve’s back, leaving a red trail that heals quicker than Bucky can trace it with his eyes. They fuck, hard, fast and intense. All pretence of love making is out of the window as they race to see how far they can push each other, until they finally manage to push each other over the precipice and into long, drawn out orgasms. 

Steve kisses Peggy slowly, shaking with the intensity of their coupling. He shared a sweet smile with her, before turning to lean over and share the same slow kiss with Bucky. Bucky regretted his decision to keep his pants on as he strained against them, almost to the point of pain. Steve rolled away from Peggy, dragging Bucky over so that he replaced Steve, kneeling above her. She smiled up and him and pulled him down for a hot kiss. 

Bucky decides that he needs to be naked, right now, and moves to start awkwardly undoing his shirt, one handed, before Steve crowds up behind up, wrapping both his arms around Bucky and taking over the task. Peggy hands follow Steve’s down Bucky’s chest, pushing his shirt open and off of his shoulders while Steve moves on to unbuckling Bucky’s belt. 

While Steve finishes removing Bucky’s shirt and throws it to join the scattering of clothes across Peggy’s floor, Peggy opens Bucky’s pants and reaches inside to rub his dick. Bucky lets out a low moan, his head thudding against Steve’s shoulder and Peggy sets up the quick pace she knows Bucky loves. Steve kisses the exposed area of Bucky’s neck, alternating between kitten licks and small nipping bites along the sensitive expanse of throat on display. Steve pushes Bucky’s pants down, framing the cusp of his ass as he presses his dick against him. 

Peggy pulls Bucky down with her, so he’s cushioned in between her legs, his face pushed against her creamy tits, as Steve moves on to dropping kisses down his spine. Slowly making his way to Bucky’s ass. A flurry of awkward manoeuvring see’s Bucky’s pants sailing through the air to join the other garments. 

Steve plasters himself to Bucky’s back, “Buck, can I?” he asks, while slowly moving his hand to cup Bucky’s ass, Bucky nods shakily, and Peggy moves to distract him some more, kissing him and pushing his head down to her nipples. 

Bucky expects Steve to open him up with his fingers, he is not expecting Steve to shift, and position his face between Bucky’s ass cheeks. Peggy glances over Bucky’s shoulder to watch in fascination, “I think you’re going to like this, James, he has a very talented tongue.” 

He cries out as Steve spreads him open and licks against his hole, pushing until Bucky lets him in. Peggy sooths him through the shock of feeling Steve inside him in such a way. It doesn’t take long for Bucky to loosen up, and even less time until he balances himself on his arm and pushes back against Steve’s tongue. Peggy reaches between her legs, seeking her own pleasure at watching Steve take Bucky apart. 

“Peggy, have you got any slick?” Bucky glances over his shoulder at Steve, who has turned a deep red, who would have thought that you could still blush after having your tongue up someone ass?

Peggy’s laughter pearls out, as she reaches into the bedside cabinet and hands Steve a discreet pot. 

Steve grabs the pot and makes quick work of slicking his fingers, before sliding one into Bucky. 

“Hurry up, I don’t think I can take much more.” Bucky urges Steve on. Steve, the contrary little shit that he is, withdraws his fingers. Bucky makes to protest, but Steve takes a strong grip on his hips and flips him, catching Bucky before he lands on Peggy, giving her chance to slip out to the side of them. Steve lays Bucky down, pushing his thighs apart and slipping two fingers back into him. Peggy takes the chance to start licking down Bucky’s chest, flicking her tongue across his nipples, and lightly scratching down his sides, and Steve continues to piston his fingers in and out of Bucky.

Peggy kisses Bucky, and swings herself over him, he’s been in this position with her before, but having Steve actually with them, instead of as a ghost in the room, draws everything into sharp focus. She smiles down at him, sharing in the wonder of having Steve back. In flesh and blood rather than just memory. 

Steve must decide that he’s done, as he grabs hold of Bucky and pulls him to the edge of the bed, Peggy coming along for the ride. For a moment Bucky thinks the three of them must make quite a picture like this, although he can’t figure out if it would be exceptionally erotic or ridiculous, either way he wishes he could see what they look like, entangled together. 

“You ready Buck?” Steve asks, making eye contact over Peggy’s shoulder. Bucky nods, unsure if he’s capable of speaking at this moment. Steve gathers a leg under either arm, angling Bucky as he likes and leaning forward to kiss along Peggy’s shoulders and neck. 

Steve enters him slowly, Bucky is not accustomed to the stretch, but it doesn’t take him long to fall in love with the feeling. As Steve starts to thrust into him, Peggy moves down, positioning herself over his dick, holding him up as she slowly sinks down onto him. The three of them moan together at the intensity of their connection. 

Bucky can’t quantify the pleasure coursing through him. He’s never felt as alive as he does right now. Peggy starts to move, undulating on his dick, her hair and tits bouncing in beautiful synchronicity, and he reaches up to touch as much of her as he can. 

Steve picks up his trusts, using the grip on Bucky’s legs to grind them together. Peggy reaches down to kiss Bucky deeply, before lifting up off of his dick. He lets out a moan of loss at the manoeuvre, which quickly turns into a moan of lust as she repositions herself, facing Steve, and resettles herself on his cock, throwing a bemused look over her shoulder, as she knows this is one of Bucky’s favourite positions. Bucky reaches up to run his hand along her back, settling on her hip, so he can hold her as they try to work out a rhythm, Steve pushing into Bucky, Bucky bucking up into Peggy and Peggy pushing herself back down to meet him. Steve and Peggy share heated kisses above him, Peggy reaches back to fondle his nipple while she rides him. 

Bucky doesn’t last much longer than that, he comes with an intensity that almost makes him black out, stars dancing in front of his eyes. Steve pulls out, jerking himself to completion across Peggy and Bucky, he picks Peggy up and off of Bucky’s dick, to lay her down next to him, before burying himself in her cunt to lick her to another stomach clenching orgasm. 

Steve collapses between them and they spend a long moment basking in each other’s glory, arms and legs touching, hands stroking bare skin and contentment settling into their bones. 

Bucky lets out a sigh he feels has been hiding in his rib cage for the last 5 years, finally able to accept that Steve is safe, and that Bucky and Peggy have both got what they want most in this world, and woe betide any one or thing that tries to take it away from them. 

They’ve still got a lot of things to discuss, and a long way to go, but if Bucky has Steve and Peggy, he’s sure there isn’t a thing in the world they can’t overcome.


End file.
